Film Scouts Reviews

"Independence Day"

by Karen Jaehne

Buy this video from

Books from
Buy The Book.

Music from
Buy The Soundtrack.

OK, alright, already. You want to know why we've been so silent on this summer's biggest blockbuster. "Independence Day" has forced me out of the critical closet. It's a scenario of what my life would have been, had I not joined the human race.

You see, I grew up in Nevada in the Fifties. Yes, I was one of the aliens captured at Area 51. I remember it well. It was near a place called Wendover, on the border between Nevada and Utah. Wendover consisted of a gas station, a casino and a Strategic Air Command Air Force Base with signs that said "Authorized Personnel Only." They captured me when they rounded up the first aliens they had shot down and dragged me to the commissary to munch a burger with the authorized personnel.

I was small and cute for a rubbery-thing with no vocal cords, but, even as a precocious young alien, I couldn't see the point of wiping out planet earth. They were doing such a good job themselves. Besides, here we were in the middle of a frigging desert -- it was hard to see what we were going to wipe out. And the upside was that humans had a lotta stuff we aliens had never seen. Like cool clothes and hairdo's and rhythm. So one day I sneaked off and wound up in Vegas where I managed to blend in.

You know that part where the scientist shows the aliens floating in formaldehyde? That kind of got to me. It was my parents. They were the original nerds - technologically gifted and all that, but...well, you can tell they were not going to get into Elvis. Our best hope would have been to evolve into Jeff Goldblum and have to break into the White House with a powerbook in hand to impress a woman who'd said sayonara. Pitiful, right?

So, I took the next best route and became a film critic. I guess I lost my alien instinct. The least I could have done was realize that in my past lay a fabulous film script for some German-alien like Roland Emerich to direct. Sorry.

But don't judge all aliens by me. A lot of us want to be Americans. Hard to understand, but after all, we're taking over. But being the majority's not much fun. Maybe I made the wrong decision.....maybe I should learn how to fire a nuke....maybe I shouldn't sit in the dark so much.

Back to 1996 Deauville Film Festival Reviews

Back to 1996 Venice Film Festival Reviews

Back to Independence Day

Back to the Press Room

Look for Search Tips

Copyright 1994-2008 Film Scouts LLC
Created, produced, and published by Film Scouts LLC
Film Scouts® is a registered trademark of Film Scouts LLC
All rights reserved.

Suggestions? Comments? Fill out our Feedback Form.